When Grief Is the First Thing You Feel

Good morning. This is Morning Prayer from Bearing Fruit.

This prayer is for anyone whose grief woke up before they did. You opened your eyes, and for a moment the day was ordinary. Then you remembered. David wrote one line for mornings like this, about a God who comes near. Let's bring this to God together.

In Psalm thirty-four, verse eighteen, David writes this.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted; He saves the contrite in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

The heading of Psalm thirty-four ties it to a frightening time for David. He was running for his life, and he pretended to be insane so a foreign king would let him go. He still wrote a song of praise, and an honest one. Just after our verse, he admits the righteous have many troubles, though he trusts the Lord to deliver them.

So listen to what he says here. He says the Lord is near. Nothing here promises a mended heart by morning. When you're broken, God doesn't stand back and wait for you to pull yourself together. He comes close. “Contrite in spirit” means crushed. That's where He saves people, right in the middle of being crushed.

Grief has a way of getting there first. One of you took two mugs out of the cupboard this morning before you remembered. Someone else still has a voicemail saved, just to hear that voice again. For another, it's a loss most people never knew about, a pregnancy that ended early, so nobody thinks to ask. And some of you are grieving someone who's still alive. A marriage that's over. A parent who doesn't know your name anymore.

In John's Gospel, Jesus' friend Lazarus has died. By the time Jesus reaches Bethany, Lazarus has been in the tomb four days. His sister Martha comes out to meet Him, and Jesus tells her this.

I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in Me will live, even though he dies.

John 11:25b

A little later, Mary comes to Him weeping, with friends who are weeping too. Jesus asks where they've laid him. Then John writes the shortest verse in most English Bibles.

Jesus wept.

John 11:35

He knew what He was about to do. Soon He'd call Lazarus out of the grave. And He wept anyway. Hope didn't hurry Him past the tears, and it needn't hurry you past yours. Grief and faith can live in the same heart.

David once prayed, “You have taken account of my wanderings. Put my tears in Your bottle—are they not in Your book?” None of yours have gone unseen.

Jesus also said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” He doesn't say how soon. Some of that comfort comes now, through His nearness and through His people. The rest is kept for the day He makes all things new.

The One who wept at the tomb of Lazarus went to a grave of His own. He died for our sins, and on the third day God raised Him. Death is still an enemy, and it still hurts. It won't have the last word.

You don't have to grieve well for God to hold you. When you can't pray at all, the Spirit Himself prays for you. Paul says so in Romans. So come as you are.

Let's pray. You can pray these words with me, out loud or in your heart.

Father, before the day has really started, I come to You through Jesus. He stood at His friend's grave and wept. Then He went to the cross and died for my sins, and You raised Him on the third day. Your Spirit is with me now, and He prays for me when I can't find the words.

You're the God who comes near, even to me, even now. Your word says, “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted”. My heart is broken, Father, so I'm asking You to be near. You're the Father of compassion. You saw every tear Your Son cried, and You see mine.

It hit me before I was properly awake. I'd forgotten for a second, and then it came back. I miss them. I miss the voice, and the ordinary things nobody else would think of. I'm tired of people asking how I'm doing, and tired of saying fine. Some days I'm angry, at the people who got things wrong, at myself, and sometimes at You. Some days I feel guilty for laughing. There are things I wish I'd said, and things I wish I hadn't. I'm bringing all of it, and I'm not tidying it up first. Where I've sinned, forgive me. Where I'm only hurting, hold me.

Be near me today, and let me know it. Help me with the small things. Getting dressed. Eating something. Answering the door. When the wave comes, in the shop or in the car, carry me through it. Send me people who'll sit with me without trying to fix it, and help me let them in. Give me wisdom for the calls and the decisions that come after a loss. And keep me from shutting out the people who are grieving too.

I don't know how long this will hurt. I don't want to forget them. Please, just don't let go of me. You keep my tears in Your book. Jesus is the resurrection and the life, and I'm leaning on that today, even when I can't feel it. You're good, and You're here. I'm still Yours on the days I can barely pray.

I pray for the others who are missing the same person this morning. Some of them are hurting in ways I can't see, so help us be gentle with each other. I pray for anyone grieving a loss nobody else knows about. Let them know that You know. And for the friend who doesn't know what to say to me, give them the courage to come anyway.

Father, the day is here, and I'll have to face it without them. Walk with me into the first hour. If the tears come at the wrong moment, let that be all right. If I can only manage one thing today, let it be enough. When I see their name, or hear a song they loved, come close. Tonight, when it's hardest, stay with me. Jesus called those who mourn blessed. Comfort me today, Father, in whatever way You choose. I'm not asking You to take the love away. I'm asking You to carry me while it hurts.

In Jesus' name, amen.

Take a moment of quiet now, and bring Him whatever's in front of you today.

Hear this blessing from the opening of Paul's second letter to the Corinthians.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4